Five strategies to deal with evildoers
To disappear, to question, to ignore, to forgive and even to love
How not to be disappointed with people? Lies, envy, betrayal, indifference, disloyalty… The list of bad and surprising things that we are subjected to by our friends, family, and partners is long.
At any point in life, We are going to be disappointed with someone – whether we nurture expectations, illusions, or fantasies, or because the other has even wavered and is wrong. Yes, often the other is the one that is wrong, and that’s it. It’s not in your head.
And so what? How to deal? The prerogative of offering the other side to catch is true to some extent: we must prevent the other from continuing to harm ourselves. There are several strategies for facing the contention with an open-chest:
- Move the body away from the presence of the other. Maintain physical, geographical distance, the way you want. Reducing presence means reducing coexistence, reducing interactions, and therefore reducing misunderstandings.
- Question the other. – Hey, what’s your problem in respecting people? Why cannot you tell the truth? The goal is to question the evil logic of the other. Perhaps he/she never reflected on his/her own expressions of affection and respect.
- Do not think about outrageous situations. This point is a difficult exercise in mental discipline. Whenever you notice that you are feeding your mind with thoughts of disappointment, sadness, anger, insecurity, lack of affection, etc., just observe those thoughts well. Then, say to yourself, “Okay, it’s just that bad thought about my evildoer, but I’m going to replace that thought with something positive. I’ll think about my trips to the mountains, the pure air of nature, the peace of the trees and the birds.” Some people prefer to think about how much they love themselves. It is so much love thinking for oneself that it does not even fit in the mind thoughts about people complicated with dubious attitudes.
- Forgiveness. Simple. We think that it is difficult to forgive people, that it takes time, that it has special conditions. But, it’s all a matter of perspective. Forgiveness is one of the things that most people have in abundance within us. There is forgiveness to give and to sell. There is forgiveness to give even to people who do not want or deserve it. And in fact we give our forgiveness to the other not because he/she deserves it: what he/she did, in fact, is wrong, and justice is necessary. But we deserve peace, and that is why we deliberately choose to leave the situation unbalanced in the past.
- Send loving-kindness to the complicated human being. In the opposite direction of what we said in the previous items, here we will approach the thought and the feeling of the other. Instead of going away, facing, or leaving in the past, we will bring the situation into the present and love the complicated person, thanking him deeply for everything he/she has done. We will send to much loving-kindness for all the beings, no matter their nature or condition.
There is only one consequence of going through difficult situations: learning to love yourself and the others.
No more drama and complications. To forgive is to set free a prisoner, and to realize that the prisoner was yourself. After all, the only thing we have control over is our thoughts. In sum, nothing is fairer than treating with love and respect our own thoughts of difficult people and unjust situations.